From visa backlog to mental health, an H-1B holder opens up about the “crushing guilt” of choosing between her life in the US and her mother in India.
After a decade in the US, a 35-year-old H1-B holder found himself at a crossroads that no amount of professional success could resolve. After the sudden death of her father, she is now the primary emotional anchor for her grieving mother in Hyderabad. However, two previous attempts to return to India left him struggling. In a Reddit post, she shared that she now faces a heartbreaking choice: save her mental health and US career, or return to a lifestyle she can no longer navigate to care for her mother.
ht image”Torn between my H1-B career and going back to India to support my grieving mother,” the Reddit user wrote.
Also Read: ‘An IITian Selling Pani Puri In London’: Why This NRI Traded Corporate Life To Run A Supper ClubExplaining his situation, the NRI wrote, “I am a 35-year-old unmarried male H1-B resident in the US for 10 years. I recently lost my father to a sudden heart stroke. My mother, who was totally dependent on him, is currently with me in the US on a visitor visa, but her 6-month stay is ending soon.”
She continued, “I have siblings in the US, but I’ve always been primarily responsible for not putting pressure on them to care for our parents. One of my brothers is planning to go back to India next year, but for now the burden is on me. My mother is uneducated and especially prefers my care to anyone else.”
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He added, “I am completely torn. On one hand, the thought of leaving him alone in India is eating me alive. On the other hand, I have tried to go back home twice (for 6 months in 2020 and a full year in 2024) and to be honest, I have struggled a lot.”
He also spoke about the hurdles he faced while trying to settle in India. The Redditor also discussed his dilemma. He ended the post by asking other Reddit users for advice.
A post by a Reddit user. (screengrab)What did social media say?One person suggested, “So sorry for your loss and the predicament you are in. If I may suggest, would it be possible for you to take 3 months leave and stay with your mother in India, then ask one of your siblings to do the same, so that you can spend the next 6 to 9 months (depending on the number of siblings and the ability to use each). After that, you can bring him back to the US for another 6 months until one of your siblings who is going to settle in India gets settled after leaving.” The OP replied, “I really appreciate it, you really described the exact plan I’ve been trying to put in motion.” Unfortunately, the current visa situation makes this impossible. I am overdue for visa stamping, and due to the current backlog, I cannot get an appointment until 2027, which means if I leave the US now, I may not be able to return to work. Although my brother can manage the first two months, I don’t have the legal flexibility to bridge the rest of the year. It is incredibly frustrating to have a logical plan on paper completely blocked by the reality of the H1-B visa system.”
Also Read: NRI finds life in US ‘boring’ after vacation in Bengaluru: ‘Lost all authenticity’Another expressed, “You have the answer. Do what soothes your soul. Blessings can move mountains.” A third commented, “Just stay with your mom. You’ll never regret the expense!” A fourth wrote, “Prioritize and take care of your needs. Your mother is an adult, she has lived a good life and you can get some help locally to manage her for now.”
(Disclaimer: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.)
Trisha Sengupta is a journalist at Hindustan Times, specializing in creating engaging narratives on human interest, trending topics, science, viral news and social media trends.
