Veteran actress Anita Kanwal has given an emotional revelation about her battle with self-doubt, feeling ‘useless’ and her struggle with lack of meaningful work despite spending over four decades in the entertainment industry.Speaking to Siddharth Kannan in a recent interview, the actress spoke about her personal and professional struggles, including raising two children as a single mother while hosting 13 TV shows at one point in her career.
“I suffer from self-doubt”
During the conversation, Anita admitted that being forgotten by the industry hurts her deeply.She said: “Does it hurt me? A lot. A lot. And it sometimes leads me into a state of extreme turmoil… I would say… even to the point of self-destruction.”The actress also shared that she recently doubted her purpose in life and career.“Just two or three days ago I was saying to my daughter: Why do I live? What do I give to society? What do I give to my profession?” I have given so much. I have done every kind of role. I have proven myself. I’ve won awards. So is it me or is the industry to blame? “I don’t know,” Anita said emotionally.Speaking about aging in the entertainment industry, she added: “Yes, I’m getting older, but I’m not asking to play a 12- or 13-year-old. I want to play a 70-year-old. If Meryl Streep can get a role at 76, and there are other actresses my age doing a lot of work, why shouldn’t I do it?”
“I just feel useless”
When asked if she sometimes felt suicidal, Anita explained that although she had never thought about ending her life, she often felt emotionally exhausted.
“I feel useless. I wouldn’t say I’m suicidal, but I pray sometimes to God to take me if you don’t have anything meaningful for me to do in this world. I don’t want to just hang around,” she admitted.The actress also spoke about her dedication to work, recalling a painful incident from her mother’s last days.“My mother was dying. The doctor gave her a few hours. I went to film. The doctors were calling me.
I tried calling the producer but he didn’t answer. I tried to contact production. They sent another scene. They said, “You have to do this scene and then go.” I actually did that scene and then left.“That’s the kind of dedication I have. No one else would do that,” Anita added.
“I didn’t have a godfather.”
Anita also looked back on her early struggles in the industry and said that she entered the entertainment industry without any support.“I came from Delhi. I had no godfather and was not ready to compromise.
“All I had was self-confidence,” she said.The actress shared that she moved to Mumbai with her children while simultaneously managing her father’s medical treatment.“At one point, I was doing 13 shows at once,” she recalled.
Anita Kanwal on auditions and rejections
Speaking about the changing casting culture, Anita revealed that she still goes for auditions but often feels frustrated by the process.“Today, 45 years later, when I am asked to take the test and then rejected, you can imagine what he would do to me,” she said.She also recalled giving a sharp response during one of her auditions when she was asked to introduce herself.“I said, ‘I’m Anita Kanwal and I’ve been acting since before most of the people watching this were born,'” she shared with a laugh.
