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Trying to do comedy on Monday at noon.
Being the closing show, Seth Meyers headlined NBCUniversal’s This Morning show. And while I can’t say it was his strongest set there in recent memory, performing a topical stand-up in front of TV advertisers at noon on a Monday isn’t quite the same as a Saturday night at the Comedy Cellar. It probably didn’t help that his opening was 100 minutes of talk about advanced viewership metrics and the featured performer was Mike Tomlin.
Myers’ monologue haunted some familiar enemies — Donald Trump, rival CBS broadcaster and even NBC’s parent company Comcast — and at the bottom of the ratings, Kevin Hart fell way short. As if Hart didn’t get enough last night while roasting on Netflix.
Here are Myers’ best jokes from the event, ranked:
- “NBC was the first TV network to broadcast for the 2025-2026 TV season. More than a decade later, we dropped CBS. Well, the Ellisons did that, but I like to think we helped.”
- “NBC has the Emmys this year — well, they’re broadcasting here. HBO already has them.”
- “Paramount Skydance just announced that it plans to merge its Paramount+ streaming service with HBO Max. So now you’ll get all your favorites in one place, plus Paramount+.”
- “I’m Seth Meyers. Or as the FCC calls me, ‘Next.'”
- “Netflix hosts its shows in advance on a pier on the Hudson River. Because once a Netflix show gets to two seasons, that’s where it sheds its body.”
- “NBC is 100 years old, which means they are now watching CBS.”
- “CBS didn’t hold an upfront pitch this year, because at CBS, the word ‘upfront’ just describes how they paid Trump to drop the lawsuit.”
- “[CBS is] Even in Trump’s pocket. I heard next year Survivor Located in the Strait of Hormuz.
- “Comcast said in its most recent earnings call that Peacock is approaching profitability. The same way Kevin Hart is approaching seven feet tall.”
- “Love Islandthe program that President Trump calls: “I Never Go There!”
- “Vindiesel is here, although because of high oil prices, it is now called ‘vinethanol.’”
Upfronts Week, in which TV and streaming platforms present their new and returning series to media buyers, continues with Fox and then Amazon’s Prime Video on Monday.
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