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The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is usually a fun event, with the President of the United States eating a meal and then bringing it back again. But since the 47th president of the United States has “the thinnest, fattest skin of any human being,” as Jimmy Kimmel put it Thursday night, this weekend’s dinner — an awards ceremony for journalists who officially cover the White House — will be as devoid of humor as the fact that Donald Trump has the nuclear codes.
“So I thought, why don’t we take a page out of Kid Rock’s halftime replacement show and do some jokes that a comedian would do if our president wasn’t such a quivering drama queen who’s afraid of comedy?” Kimmel said to prepare the skewers.
“Welcome to the 2026 White House Correspondents’ Dinner! Look at all of you dressed in formal wear — dresses, tuxedos — I haven’t seen this much black since every page of the Trump-Epstein files,” Kimmel, now wearing a tuxedo, said to open his collection. “We’re going to have a good time tonight, and I’m glad you decided to stay, Mr. President. And don’t worry, if we hurt your ego, it will only make your hands look less disgusting.”
First Lady Melania Trump got it too.
“Look at Melania, she’s so beautiful,” Kimmel said. “Mrs. Trump, you have the glow of a pregnant widow.”
“As you all know, Melania is a movie star now,” Kimmel joked. “Her documentary received a 10 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, a site named after her husband’s testicles.” “I want to congratulate you, First Lady, on your monumental achievement: the world’s first still photograph.
Kimmel came for VP Pence next.
“It’s hard to get J.D. to come to an event like this. He’s a real homebody. His wife had to get him off the couch,” Kimmel joked. “This reminds me: Please do not get up from your seats during the performance because Cum will Fuck them.”
Trump’s other friends were fooled, too — Stephen Miller, Kash Patel, Pete Hegseth, RFK Jr., and Brendan Carr — and so were his sons, Donald Jr. and Eric (“You look like an elbow with a face on it”).
Watch the clip below; The real White House Correspondents’ Dinner takes place on Saturday evening.
